Tension, fear and anger.

[Hans]

This morning I asked where the tension I'm experiencing every waking moment
comes from; why it's there. The answer soon reveals itself: I'm on guard,
ready to fight or flee. It's a feeling so ever-present, it doesn't even
register on my screen of awareness. What am I guarding myself against?
Common sense tells me I can trust most people I deal with. Yet there is an
undercurrent of fear and mistrust emanating from me. Tapping on this
inappropriate attitude brings immediate results: huge yawns crack my face.
Tension in my neck and jaw melts away. While driving to work a little later,
situations that would normally make my hackles rise are noticed as rising
tension that is immediately defused by a yawn. Again and again my mouth
gapes so wide that tears stream from my eyes.

Arriving at work, I pull out my work diary to record my experience while
still vivid in my memory. I want to be able to recall every detail later.
Speaking with Alun (best friend and counselor) that evening, he points to an
interesting fact. While on guard, you rise to any challenge or perceived
attack, especially from Lek(wife). It's because you see yourself as victim,
an innocent victim, no less. "How dare she say that; to me!" So, outraged,
hurt, deeply wounded, you defend yourself. To you it may feel as though all
you're doing is protecting your space, your Self. Lek wonders why you're in
a bad mood again.

I've always suspected that I feel sorry for me, the poor stutterer. Yet I've
never recognized myself as a victim who is under constant assault. But it's
a shoe that fits very snug indeed.



Hans

[bwelling]

I've always suspected that I feel sorry for me, the poor stutterer. Yet I've
never recognized myself as a victim who is under constant assault. But it's
a shoe that fits very snug indeed.



Hans

Nice thread Hans - right to the root of what is going on inside - thanks for sharing.

This is where I agree that we stutterers/stammerers (both fluent and nonfluent) have habitual behavior.

Our resistence

We automatically resist everything. So, any attempts whatsoever to make any progress is met with so much resistence everything is slowed down to a snails pace.

We never leave go of what we think stuttering has done to us.

Just a thought - For what it's worth

bw

[Hans]

Bob
Nothing is more desirable than to be released from an affliction, but nothing is more frightening than to be divested of a crutch.

[Asif]

Bob
Nothing is more desirable than to be released from an affliction, but nothing is more frightening than to be divested of a crutch.

Aha the infamous Hans!
I have tracked you down at last.
I have been accused of being you by certain irate members who seem unable to see harmless and caring words as anything other than an attack against them.

Painful isn't it? For all parties.
I can see you know your suff and that knowing it, you want to share it.
And there is the paradox.
Use crutches long enough and you can no longer imagine that you were never intended to use them.
Take them away and the heavens will fall!
I shall seek out more of your posts, but even having read just the one, I know that you are the real thing, and that terrifies some, who can not help but respond with rage.

I hope the small band of casualties that have taken over the forum have not put an end to your posting? There are many more members who may benefit from your insight and desire to share what you know. They just don't make as much noise :)

[sst]

Is Hans one of your split personalities, Asif? ;) If I had your life I would need one too.

[Asif]

[QUOTE=sst;29130]Is Hans one of your split personalities, Asif? ;) If I had your life I would need one too.[/QUOTE
...sigh...
Still being a miserable little wanker then? Leave me alone sonny boy. I am starting to take offense at your attitude. And the tiny number of other mindless losers who assume they are a majority on this forum, that know nothing else but to crap all over decent people. Get a life.
BTW: If you DID have my life, you would be able to speak. Imagine that.

[chris2112]

This morning I asked where the tension I'm experiencing every waking moment
comes from; why it's there. The answer soon reveals itself: I'm on guard,
ready to fight or flee. It's a feeling so ever-present, it doesn't even
register on my screen of awareness. What am I guarding myself against?
Common sense tells me I can trust most people I deal with. Yet there is an
undercurrent of fear and mistrust emanating from me. Tapping on this
inappropriate attitude brings immediate results: huge yawns crack my face.
Tension in my neck and jaw melts away. While driving to work a little later,
situations that would normally make my hackles rise are noticed as rising
tension that is immediately defused by a yawn. Again and again my mouth
gapes so wide that tears stream from my eyes.

Arriving at work, I pull out my work diary to record my experience while
still vivid in my memory. I want to be able to recall every detail later.
Speaking with Alun (best friend and counselor) that evening, he points to an
interesting fact. While on guard, you rise to any challenge or perceived
attack, especially from Lek(wife). It's because you see yourself as victim,
an innocent victim, no less. "How dare she say that; to me!" So, outraged,
hurt, deeply wounded, you defend yourself. To you it may feel as though all
you're doing is protecting your space, your Self. Lek wonders why you're in
a bad mood again.

I've always suspected that I feel sorry for me, the poor stutterer. Yet I've
never recognized myself as a victim who is under constant assault. But it's
a shoe that fits very snug indeed.



Hans


Having an unconcious undercurrent of fear/tension is probibly very common among stutterers. Building up a fear of talking is something thats very easy if you stutter, and the chance of someone talking to you or asking a question is very constant throughout the day. I found that doing a meditation type thing helps. I dont close my eyes and sit Indian style :D I could be anywhere, I just take a deep breath and put my attention to my breath and body and see if theres any tension, if there is it usually goes as soon as I become aware of it. If I dont do this Its easy to just be in fear or stress without even really knowing. Its like unless you step back and observe the stress the stress has taken over you, you are the stress. I also noticed it helps giving attention to where tension occurs as I talk, usually in stomach, jaw, and mouth. I still stutter but Its much smoother and I dont try to force it out with an embarassing lip tremor or something :rolleyes:

[Violet]

BTW: If you DID have my life, you would be able to speak. Imagine that.

oh Burn.
If you are able to speak why are you on this forum? You say you have knowledge beyond our wildest dreams, but yet you refrain from giving it to us... that’s hardly helpful. If you are able to speak, and constantly allude to the fact that you are at peace with yourself then why do you need to be here? to dangle the fact that you can speak in front of us to show off? that doesn’t sound like you are at peace with yourself, it sounds more like you are insecure. I, personally, am here because i am completely insecure about my stutter and I do not know anyone who stutters and i find comfort in the fact that this forum is proof that i am not alone in this stuttering journey :D What about you Asif (and everyone else in this forum)?