People finishing what we're saying.

[emily445455]

Hi all...I was thinking about this today as my friend finished almost every sentence I was trying to say...which got really frustrating...

Does anyone else find this really frustrating? Or are you relieved you don't have to struggle anymore and can simply reply "yeah" when they finish your word/sentence for you?

I've thought about saying "you don't have to finish what I'm trying to say, I'll get it out eventually" and have said this to my husband many times, and he's getting better at not doing it :)

It doesn't realy make me mad since I know they are just trying to help, and finishing someone's word/sentence is the more natural thing to do..but I still can't help but think "hey now!! I want to talk sometimes too!!"

Any suggestions on how I can bring it up without sounding mean? I don't mind when people who don't know I stutter do it...but some of my classmates who are studying to be SLP's do it, and my sister who also stutters does it too!! I know they're just trying to be nice...but to a stutterer like myself...I'd rather just talk and have people patiently listen. :)

Any thoughts?

[JDRow]

For me it depends on why somebody is doing it. I know most stutterers don't, but I like help if I'm having a bad block. So, if somebody is trying to be helpful, I appreciate the help. But, if somebody is finishing my sentences just because they don't feel like listening to me, then that does bother me. I guess for me I don't mind at all if somebody is trying to help me out so that I can say what I'm trying to say to them, but I do mind if they're just trying to hurry me along so they can stop listening.

I don't know what to say to somebody who is doing that. I'm sure just saying "I'd rather you waited for me to finish my own words" would be best, but that's one of those things that it's a lot easier to say you should do than to actually do.

[hafidmetal]

yeah, i feel the same way..i hate when people finishes my sentences..this means to me that they arent patient and maybe dont like to see me struggling which is embarassing to them....only my gf who dont finishes my words..cause she understands my stuttering..therefore others dont understand us..i guess its better not to let anyone finishes ur sentences...this is my opinion:)

[Roley]

It still bothers me for someone to fill in the blanks for me. Most people are just trying to help. Usually what I'll do is repeat in some way what the person said for me. Or I'll hold up the palm of hand to tell them I want to finish what I'm trying to say. The frustrating part for us is if the person fills in the blank and fills it in wrong. In that case, I want to say shut up and let me get it out.

[emily445455]

The frustrating part for us is if the person fills in the blank and fills it in wrong. In that case, I want to say shut up and let me get it out.

LOL yes!! That is so frustrating! Sometimes I have to stop and say "no" then try to say the word all over again!!! Just let me talk people! lol :)

[Standingtall]

I use to get frustrated a lot when people use to try and finish my sentence for me but not today. I see it that the person i am talking to is actually listening to what i am trying to say. Unless, i pick up his negative emotions and then i will be more forceful in letting them not to finish my sentence by increase my tone, body language, etc.. A lot of people just want to help and i think they listen and try to anticipate what you are trying to say. I rather have that, then having them turn their back to you and walk away when you are in a middle of a block. I don't treat them with respect next time we talk or meet again. I personally prefer not have anyone finish my sentence for me. Listening is also a skill, just as important as getting your message across.

[tb1223]

For me it depends on why somebody is doing it. I know most stutterers don't, but I like help if I'm having a bad block. So, if somebody is trying to be helpful, I appreciate the help. But, if somebody is finishing my sentences just because they don't feel like listening to me, then that does bother me. I guess for me I don't mind at all if somebody is trying to help me out so that I can say what I'm trying to say to them, but I do mind if they're just trying to hurry me along so they can stop listening.

I don't know what to say to somebody who is doing that. I'm sure just saying "I'd rather you waited for me to finish my own words" would be best, but that's one of those things that it's a lot easier to say you should do than to actually do.

That pretty much sums up how I feel about it. If I've been stuttering on one word for several seconds and I'm having a lot of trouble getting it out, then I'm relieved for the person to help me out. But if someone finishes my sentence the instant I start stuttering, and then continues to do it on almost every single sentence I say, then it gets to the point where I become distracted and tend to lose my train of thought, which is obviously quite irritating.

[happy7117]

Glad to see someone is on my wavelength about helping us stutterers by finishing.

I totaly agree that people should finish when a stutter is having a nasty time. Especialy for me.

For light stutterers who can get their words out with somewhat trouble, I don't reccomend listeners helping.

When I am having a nasty time stuttering my brains out, the one thing I HATE the most is the person waiting for me and NOT helping.

Even when I know they know what I am trying to say, I hate it when they do not answer me and wait for me to say the obvious.

It's like they (the listener) is putting me through hell waiting for me to say what I am trying so hard to say, but yet they don't do anything.

They know exactly what I am trying to say, yet they wait for my to say what I obviously cannot.

When people don't understand me, it pisses me off because if they had helped me with what I was trying to say instead of wait and put me through stuttering hell, they could have been able to understand me.

Next time a person does not understand you, or you are stuttering alot, tell a person to help you out.

If a listener does not want to help you out when you are having a nasty time trying to talk, don't waste your time with them.

For light stutterers who are sort of hard to understand but can still get their words out, have a little patience.

But for ugly stutterers like me who struggle like hell, listeners should help you out.

One thing I HATE too is to have a listener hear nothing but stuttering a ton and not getting nothing out-- and the listener doing NOTHING to ease the tension for the stutterer by helping.

[happy7117]

yeah, i feel the same way..i hate when people finishes my sentences..this means to me that they arent patient and maybe dont like to see me struggling which is embarassing to them....only my gf who dont finishes my words..cause she understands my stuttering..therefore others dont understand us..i guess its better not to let anyone finishes ur sentences...this is my opinion:)

Think of it in another way like I do. A stutterer may prefer a listener to be patient so the stutterer can get it out- that's ok.

But what about when the stutterer cannot get it out at all and the listener is a nervous wreck waiting for the stutterer?

Should the listener continue to be patient and do nothing to help the stutterer when the stutterer is having obvious struggle??

Or should the listener help by trying to guess what the stutter is trying to communicate to him or her?

If a listener says nothing or does not help when the stutterer is having a nasty struggling time, the listener will likely not understand the stutterer.

So it's better that the listener help the stutterer so they show an interest in what the stutterer is trying to say, than do nothing but listen and not even understand the stutterer.

[emily445455]

Eh, I'd still prefer them just wait. The only time it bothers me is when the person KNOWS I stutter...people who don't know that I do wouldn't know that I take a little more time to talk.

I know they are just trying to help...but I like to talk, I like to crack jokes...and it's ruined when someone else says the punchline or says what I was trying to convey.

To me it's like someone who can't walk very fast due to an illness/disability. You always see people walking very slowly, painfully slowly to walk and talk with this person. You never see them push the people along or grab their arms and drag them so they hurry up. lol, that'd be awful! :)

[Roley]

Here's a juvenile idea: start filling in words and finishing sentences for non-stutters who do the same for you.

[happy7117]

Here's a juvenile idea: start filling in words and finishing sentences for non-stutters who do the same for you.

I would never try to fill in or finish a fluent person's words or ideas because I know they can readily say what they want when they want. There is no need to fill in for a fluent person they don't stutter like us.

For a stutterer, we are not fluent. We cannot say what we want when we want.

Listeners should help the stutterer convey what the stutterer cannot.

A stutterer may not be able to get his message across at all, no matter how patient a listener might be.

We stutterers cannot communicate our ideas as fluent people can, so we should be gratefull for those who would like to help us.

I would rather have a person help me when I am realy struggling then to wait while I struggle and struggle not being able to get nothing it.

Would anyone like it if they were in a wheelchair, but did not get pushed from behind when they asked for it?

I know I wouldn't.

How about that person not pushing that wheelchair when the person in the chair asked for it, because they thought "that guy in the chair is asking for my help to push his chair, but i should let him try to do it himself" when in fact the man in the chair can't.

[JDRow]

Would anyone like it if they were in a wheelchair, but did not get pushed from behind when they asked for it?

I think the important part of that is "when they asked for it." Because, if you just started pushing somebody's wheelchair, that would be rude. That person might be able to push their own wheelchair, and not want you doing it, even if you could get them where they're going faster.

So I think it's a matter of what a person wants. If somebody doesn't want another person finishing their words, then the listener shouldn't do it. If they don't mind, then it's okay for the listener to do.

[Be YOURSELF]

it helps to make what you are trying to say less obvious and difficult to guess,

[emily445455]

Happy, that's not what I meant. I meant to me someone finishing my sentence when I get a block is like someone pushing someone in a wheelchair soley for the sake of making them hurry up, they are taking too long. That wouldn't be done.

[Standingtall]

Happy, that's not what I meant. I meant to me someone finishing my sentence when I get a block is like someone pushing someone in a wheelchair soley for the sake of making them hurry up, they are taking too long. That wouldn't be done.
That got me a thinking, there are way too many impatient people out there. We live in an impatient world. I may be speeding and passing people on my right, but there will always be someone on my tailgate, inches from my bumper. I do have a right to be on that road, just like i have a right to finish my own sentence.

[bwelling]

That got me a thinking, there are way too many impatient people out there. We live in an impatient world. I may be speeding and passing people on my right, but there will always be someone on my tailgate, inches from my bumper. I do have a right to be on that road, just like i have a right to finish my own sentence.

Stand - Nice reply - while we have to share the road with a fluent person --- we don't have to pull over to let them pass.

bw

[emily0624]

It drives me nuts. I'm like, "Well, you could open the dictionary to the S's, and start rattling off words. Please, go ahead, that's a great idea."

But it's been a while since anybody has done this to me. It's really rare these days. I tell my friends that I hate it, so most of them know not to do it. If somebody else does it, I know that they're just trying to help or whatever, but it pisses me off and it'll just be a bad start to our conversation.

One great story is when my friend got a phone call in her job from a stutterer - some random billing question or whatever. And she knew how to deal with it because of me. She didn't finish his sentences and she was totally cool with it. That made me kinda proud. :)

[emily445455]

One great story is when my friend got a phone call in her job from a stutterer - some random billing question or whatever. And she knew how to deal with it because of me. She didn't finish his sentences and she was totally cool with it. That made me kinda proud. :)

Wow that's cool, good for her! :D

[happy7117]

I think I appreciate help from others because of the fact that stuttering makes me so misunderstood.

It's hell not being able to get the simplest message across, and at those times of nasty stutterings which are always, I am thinking "help me out alrighty".

When people do not understand me which is always, I often wish they would ask me if they wanted to help me.

It's a huge blow to my self-esteem when listeners are patient while hearing nothing but stutterings.

[nate]

i wish i had that problem. i cant even start a sentence let alone need someone to finish it for me. and when people speak for me i have no problem. infact i usually insist that my girlfriend or younger brother speak for me. But usually my sentences have only 2 or 3 words so once i just get it all out really quickly.

[bwelling]

Nate - how funny but so true - It's starting the damn things that I really could use the help - not finishing them.

bw

[happy7117]

i wish i had that problem. i cant even start a sentence let alone need someone to finish it for me. and when people speak for me i have no problem. infact i usually insist that my girlfriend or younger brother speak for me. But usually my sentences have only 2 or 3 words so once i just get it all out really quickly.

I wish others would speak for me when I am having a nasty time. If I am having an easy time which is VERY RARE, I try to talk alot because it's when I will sound fluent. When I am very nasty, I wish others would help me out, or choose not to chat to me as much.

[eva]

hi everybody, im new here (introduction coming up later). i dont like people finishing my sentences at all. my mom does that a lot, i know she is only trying to help me if im having a hard time, but sometimes it only makes me stutter more and the next sentence even harder to say. usually i finish my on sentences anyway, even if people had already finished them for me five minutes ago. i just ignore that, i want to say what im about to say, no matter how long it takes. i think people finishing what we're saying is a bit depressing if anything. and annoying. i wish they wouldn't do that with me.
i've seen some posters about stuttering where they are giving people advice how to deal with someone who stutters. one advice is that do not finish their sentences, let them take their time and stutter. but its interesting to see that some actually hope that people would help them out. i've never thought of that possibility.
lately i've started to finish what fluent people are saying. it's amusing.

[Roley]

Welcome Eva!

(My wife's name is Eve, by the way.)

I think it's good to finish what you were trying to say when someone finishes a sentence for you. That gives you the positive feedback that you can actually say what you were trying to say. (I don't stutter when I'm repeating what someone just said for me. What about you guys?)

I've tried finishing sentences for my wife, and it drives her nuts! But that reminds her not to finish sentences for me.

[Standingtall]

Welcome Eva, good to have you here. I agree Roley, we should finish our own sentences and if we need help, then we will ask for it. If someone in a wheelchair is in trouble, i will ask if they need help, and i expect the same courtesy.