Relationships

[Power of three]

Hi all.
Firstly Mos, if you read this, I have began three replies to your question, but each time I attempted to post them, I had logged out with the timer! I will get round to it soon - bear with me.

Ok, just a very quick question here, and it will be interesting to see what the answers are......
This has not got anything to do with stammering, btw....

How is it, when trying to end a relationship that has been dragging in the mud for a year or two, you begin to see all the things that made you fall for the person in the first place? And you forget about all the hundreds of reasons that you want to end it for?
What is that all about? It's so much easier if one of you has met somebody else, but if the split is on very good terms, it's a nightmare to make a clean break.....
I suppose the same applies if you ever meet an ex somewhere - you remember all the good times, but forget about the hurtful times.

Any thoughts troops?

[Standingtall]

I don't have any answers for you, but I will give you something to think about, I hope. Each person is different on how they handle their relationships. I know a few people who can break it off in a minute and there are other poeple, like me, who cling to hope.

You are still connected to this person and even you may think you want to break it off, but your heart is telling you. Not yet. Do you see what you are giving up. I don't have many ex's. I did have this crush, on this one woman. She was my buddy and I wanted more. She couldn't because she was not sure on her preference of a soul mate. I was crushed, but I respected her wishes. We kept in touched by mail, before email and by phone. I visited an couple of times and met her future partner and she is a wonderful person. The past year or so, I have been initiating the friendship and she would respond, but that is all she is doing. My first thoughts are, Okay, it is time to take our paths in life and look forward in meeting other people. My heart is telling me, she has ended a 10 year relationship with this other person and she needs her time.

This may not be as serious as your relationship, because mine is just friendship. You can say I am hoping because I am finding reasons not this drop this friendship like a rock. I can also see it, she may want a new start and letting go of the past.

Well, that is my story, very few to choose from that comes close to yours. The best of luck in your decision.

[AGOFCR]

P.O.T.,

I have never even given that any thought during this relationship. I've been married for close to 11 years and all's going strong. On the other hand, when I was in high school I would break up with girls just for the fun of it . . . But then again, I was young and foolish back then. I also had more hair and less weight so it was easier to get another girlfriend. I'm sure if I become single again, now very, very few females would take a second glance at me :D

[Power of three]

Thanks for the advice guys.

We've been together close on 6 years, but the time has come to part. We get on great, never argue and have many common interests. She is very much into alternative therapies, and is always looking out for ways to help me with my speech. I've tried a lot of alternative therapies, all with some degree of success - but of course they all cost money! I suppose to many people we have a perfect relationship. She never gets onto me for getting in late from work every night, understands if I call nights out off due to work, and is basically the kindest, most gentle and understanding woman I have ever met.
But. We are both different people from when we met, wanting different things out of life. And that is why we're walking different paths now. Away from each other. And have been for a good year anyway.

Standingtall, a good few years ago now I was friends with a girl who I thought the world of, and I made sure she knew it. She and I were very good friends, who I suppose you would call it "made out" at school dances, etc, as long as she had no boyfriend at the time. But that was it. I was always the backup, someone to rely on when she had no-one else.
I then met a girl who it would turn out I would be with for a good few years before that relationship also reached the end of it's journey. I did meet the first girl halfway through this long relationship with the second girl, for the first time in 3 years. Old feelings did flood back of course because we were so familiar to and comfortable with each other.
It is difficult to make the leap from friendship to relationship because there is always the fear of losing the friendship and the girl totally. Sometimes it best to accept that some people are only prepared to give so much. And other times to accept that people enter and leave one's life all the time for whatever reason. Some stay for a few minutes, some for a few years and, if you're lucky, some forever. It's deciding who is who!

AGOFCR, you then are one of the lucky ones. Like yourself, I pretty much had my pick of girls at high school and perhaps did abuse this a little bit.
I was very choosy though, and did have standards.
Somebody once said to me when I was in my teens "Make the most of this. As you get older, the range of women that appeal to you increases as the range of women that you appeal to decreases".
Personally, now being in my mid thirties, I haven't found that to be the case :p Well, not much anyway!

One thing I have learned however that it is often best not to go out looking for love; love will find you.
Might take a few years, but good things are worth waiting for - usually!

Bye for now
Steve

[bignick]

Steve,

I was the opposite, I was seeing a girl who I thought was my perfect partner, but we grew apart and when she was talking to her friends I was never mentioned. Anyway after we fizzled out I began to analyse what I had and the way she was and I realised that I was only staying in the relationship because I was lonely and I then started seeing my now lovely wife and we are so happy together.
Its going to be very difficult to end it as it sounds perfect, but if your heart isnt telling it isnt right then go for it. Maybe she is thinking the same thing and just doesnt want to hurt you. good luck.

Nick

[Standingtall]

Steve,

I am sure you made the best decision for you and your relationship. The very best and good luck.

The woman I told you about, I have know her for 20 yrs and when she said she couldn't take our friendship into the next level. I found my future wife an couple months after later. We are in our 13th year of marraige, have twin girls, 4 1/5 yrs old. The wife and I are going into our 17th yrs of knowing each other. My friend, well as far as I know, she has been in 2 serious relationships, both women, and now she is single again. I only used that example, because that is only strong experience that I can campare to yours.

I accept what lifes, brings, I had many people come and go in my life. The majority of my best friends have entered into the spirit world and those are the harder ones emotionally. Life becomes pretty lonely after that and as you grow older, you learn to appreciate everything what other people has to offer. I have learned that many people give what they can and it is unfair to measure that, because in someone's else world, you may not measure up either.

[Power of three]

Somebody once told me "The way to love is to imagine that thing/person gone forever."
It just makes one think about one's relationships, especially those that have ended under bad circumstances, or those who have gone into sprirt world.
What is meant for you won't pass you by.....

[Standingtall]

Somebody once told me "The way to love is to imagine that thing/person gone forever."
It just makes one think about one's relationships, especially those that have ended under bad circumstances, or those who have gone into sprirt world.
What is meant for you won't pass you by.....
That saying teachs you to appreciate what you have and don't take it for granted. Love is pretty deep and we all can write books on it, but for me I guess you can say it starts with acceptance. I love my friend and she may prefer same sex partners, I still love my friend. Even if she want to go on by herself and we take our paths in life. I had two good friends pass within a year. One was a good buddy, we were diabetics and kept each other on the straight line. We were both the same age and then all of a sudden, he was not there anymore. Life can be funny sometimes, when I was younger I lost friends and family to sucide, drugs and one was killed. Now when your friends start passing on, you feel it harder because it took a life time to create that bond. I understand now, when my grandmother use to say, I'm lonely, all my friends are gone.

[jgjgjg79]

I have had relationships in the past but because of my talking I find it hard to open up and I hate seeing people I love being made uncomfortable by my speech.
As a woman it makes me feel very unsexy having a stammer.

[Standingtall]

I understand it is hard to open up, just remember you are not alone in doing this. Many fluent people can't open up either. My late father was never open about how he feels, I only heard him say "I love you my Son" very few times that I can count on one hand.

A myth, like being a leader and being sexy, you are not born with it. It all comes from deep down. Next time you are being intimate, don't be shy and start working on it.

Hope that helps.

[AGOFCR]

I have had relationships in the past but because of my talking I find it hard to open up and I hate seeing people I love being made uncomfortable by my speech.
As a woman it makes me feel very unsexy having a stammer.

You are as sexy as you think you are . . . Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The right man will come along who will understand and appreciate you for who you are. Hang in there!!!

[Power of three]

There are people out there who will accept you as you are.
Speaking for myself, I have always thought that if I had always been fluent, I don't think that I would be able to date a girl with a stammer. I have never questioned myself why this is the case, but I have still always thought it.

There are times I think that women get some turned on some how by my stammer.
Then again, perhaps it's other things I do.......;)